Scripture tells us we are made in his image, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made but here's what was going on in my head when someone first mentioned a guide dog.
In our 21st century world, image is everything. This is the designer age, where image is king. All our possessions must carry the right label: we have BMW cars, Nokia phones, Nike trainers and Armani suits. We shop at the trendiest stores because everything we purchase and where we purchase it makes a statement about who we are and our standing in the world.
How can I step away from this world of image? Getting a guide dog would be far from cool. I feel I must resist it with every fibre of my being. After all, the problem is not so much having a sight impairment as being perceived as having one. I’ll suddenly be disabled not just by a lack of sight, but
by a negative stereotype that pervades the whole of our society.
And in any case how can I abandon all the years I’ve dedicated to the cause of hiding my sight impairment? Believe me, I’ve become very, very good at doing that. I’ve raised it to something of an art form, something I’m particularly proud of. It’s always been imperative that no one should know the severity of my sight loss. I’m not alone in this. Ask any sight impaired person... we all do it to some extent. Me, I’ve taken it to Olympic standard. We memorise things that a sighted person wouldn’t even turn a hair over: phone numbers, price lists, bus timetables, addresses... Many other trivial items are committed to memory so that we’re not seen to be struggling in public.
Until now I’ve managed to maintain my elaborate scheme to throw people off the scent, the true extent of my sight loss. Each morning I listen to the newspaper review on Radio 4’s Today programme. I also buy a newspaper and scan the larger headlines and pictures. In this way I make myself familiar with the main stories of the day, even though it means using a magnifying glass, even though I keep losing my bearings on the page and even though I can’t do it for too long. Then, when a conversation comes up, I feel able to contribute on an equal footing. No one ever need know I can’t read properly like other people. I’m pretty typical in this respect... We sight impaired people never knowingly place ourselves in a situation where we might be open to ridicule. We devise all kinds of fantastic excuses to make it impossible for other people to guess the severity of our sight loss. But I had taken this to a whole new level.
Yet here I am about to make myself more vulnerable than I’ve ever been before in my whole life. I know I have to take this next step, but I feel far from happy about it. I was deadly serious about the promise I made to Denise because I knew our future depended on it. But that voice in my head is still urging me to continue running. Go on, Dave. GO ON! You can do it. Just get the hell out of here!
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