I am posting the post for tomorrow the 10th of March late on the evening of the 9th because tomorrow is my birthday and my wife and I along with Jarvis are off on a trip to the coast.
I always find birthdays are good days to take stock and this year I'm thinking about those that I owe ao much to.
Of course it's not only Abbot and Jarvis who have helped me along the way.
Many people have played key roles in keeping me safe, sane, motivated and hopeful. I owe them my life. These people are often, if not always, in my thoughts.
At the very top of any list must come Denise, my wife. She waited a long time for me to come back to my senses while I ran,lied, hid and generally behaved like an idiot. She often believed more in me than I did in myself and she was the one constant throughout my years of turmoil. When many things fell by the wayside – sight, sense, friends, possessions and often hope – Denise remained constant, always forgiving, resilient and patient. Her love was often the only thing that stood between me and oblivion. I know my behaviour hurt her deeply and I’m very ashamed – but I appreciate what she did enormously. She always remained my best friend.
When she said ‘for better or for worse’ some 30 years ago, she didn’t know there’d be so much of the ‘worse’. Nevertheless, she kept faith with me and I love her more today than ever before. The last fifteen years since I became a guide dog owner have been the happiest we’ve known and I’m deeply sorry I didn’t make this happen sooner.
The next one to thank is Abbot himself. Thanks to him I am entered a chapter of my life that is far happier than anything I could have imagined and much more than I deserve. He was a wonderful guide, a great protector and, most of all, my best mate.
For a guide dog and owner partnership to really work, the owner must be in love with his dog so it’s just as well I was from the moment I met him. When there were problems in Abbot’s work it was our joint friendship and commitment that carried us through.
We always behaved like mates, looking out for each other as mates should. And not only did we work together, we also played together, a fact which may well be the secret to our successful partnership.
The other person who I must include in my personal heroes and heroines is my gran. Of all the people who’ve had any influence over my life in all its 48 years, of all the people I admire, Gran would always be at the top of any list. If there is any good in me at all, anything of grace or kindness, any remnant of faith, then it comes from her. She was a true woman of faith, a real "Christian" with deeply held values and a passionate supporter of any and every person less fortunate than herself.
She taught me everything of any merit or value and she walks with me and first Abbot and now Jarvis every day. I feel her love in so many ways and hear her voice constantly, encouraging me, guiding me on and keeping me safe from harm. I miss her more than ever and my one regret is that she never got to meet Abbot and Jarvis, she'd have loved them, I know.
My experience of sight impairment has taught me a great deal about loss but nothing in life prepared me for the loss of my gran.
Years have now passed but my sense of loss is no less acute. She’s in my heart always. (Bless you, Gran. I love you and miss you more than I can say. Your love is a beacon that lights all the shadows of my life. On those dark days when life seems just too difficult I can hear you whispering words of encouragement.)
Actually, until Gran died I’d never faced the idea of being a grown-up. I had never had to. She would always clear up my mess, defend me even when I knew I was wrong and shelter me from reality. Losing her, whilst very sad, was her way of making me grow up. I suspect that if Gran were still here I may not have faced up to any of this at all. She knew I could do this long before I did. She told me so on her death bed.
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