We’re getting near the end of Lent now and this blog will soon be over and I’m sure there must be some issue or other over which we disagree. You wouldn’t be the first to tell me what a stubborn pain in the arse I can be. Don’t worry... this is what I expected and you can’t help being wrong. I wanted this blog to be challenging.
I want to encourage a debate on issues relating to sight impairment. Above all, I want to get the church community to walk a mile in the shoes of the sight impaired. If I can just change the mind of one sighted person, I’ll consider this blog a success.
I know there are people I may have been too harsh about. I’ve found it difficult to portray the issues without seeming overcritical and only you can decide if I’ve been successful. All I know is that if you think I’ve been too harsh, just be glad you didn’t know me in earlier days.
Seriously though, some of my comments have been written in anger. I’ve tried to put this to one side so as to save face with you but in truth there are some subjects which are still too raw to comment on in a less passionate way. There are some subjects I’m so angry about I haven’t dared include them here at all. And I certainly haven’t learned to see the funny side of them...
The plain fact is that this is not a blog written on behalf of anyone. I am not in the employ of any blind charity nor am I a spokesman for the sight impaired. I represent no one but myself and even then I’m prone to changing my own mind. I’m simply a blind man trying to come to terms with his own sight impairment and all the emotions that go with it – the good, the bad and the downright ugly.
You may not agree with my politics and – who knows? – you could be right. My interpretation of disability law may be a bit too militant for your tastes but I make no apology for it, nor will you be able to change my mind.
This blog is just my way of dealing with all these feelings and issues in a way that is true to myself. If it makes me look bad, that’s probably because I am bad. What I have given you here are merely edited highlights. (I have been far too embarrassed to admit to some of my behaviour.)
Suffice to say, from that horrible day in 1987 onwards (when I lost my job in bakery management), I spent well over a decade in a blind fury – almost literally! I was in such a filthy temper about my sight loss that I didn’t have a single thought about how my behaviour might impact on all those around me. After all, it was their fault!
There were years and years when my behaviour was simply unacceptable and the legacy of that period lives with me still. There are many people who were so hurt by my behaviour that they remain to this day unable to forgive me and move on. I cannot begin to describe how sad this makes me. These people are never far from my thoughts and I am deeply ashamed. My life is only redeemed by the love of Denise, then Abbot and now Jarvis, none of which I deserve but all of which I thank God for daily.
In the end I’m just a bad-tempered blindy from Jarrow, searching for something to make sense of this madness. I think I’ve started finding solutions, but it’s a long road and who can say how it will end? All I know is that with Jarvis at my side, anything is possible.
Abbot came into my life when I was about to press the self-destruct button. Single-pawed, he has saved me from myself. God bless him and keep him safe till we meet again. I owe him more than these feeble words can express.
However, because I don’t want this to be a soppy, sugary, sentimental tale – but a true-life account which really conveys my feelings (which I know a lot of other blind people share) – I must add one thing here. I think it’s time the sighted community stopped putting dogs before people. Yes, it’s great that sighted people love guide dog puppies and guide dogs and that they make a huge fuss over Abbot and his doggy colleagues... but I wish they would learn to love and care for their owners as well. Often someone will bend down to make a fuss of Abbot saying “Ah isn’t he lovely” to which I reply “his owner’s not bad too”.
By now, you should realise that this statement in no way dilutes my feelings about Abbot. But consider how I feel when I meet people who are greatly taken by Abbot and make passionate enquiries about his welfare without once ever asking about mine. Have you any idea how demeaning that can be? Can you imagine what that can do to the self- esteem of a guide dog owner? Of course it’s good that so many people show such love for our dogs but sight impaired people need to be placed before their dogs in the concerns of everyone, always.
Guide Dogs for the Blind accepts this viewpoint. Despite its name, it’s not a dog charity – it exists to serve the needs of sight impaired people and despite its cuddly image it is a campaigning body with a mandate to promote the independence of sight impaired people. This is what must be kept at the forefront of the agenda and any volunteers who are only there because they love puppies are really in the wrong place: they should either move to another charity or refocus their attention on the sight impaired people who need them. It’s great to appreciate and enjoy the dogs, but focusing on the human beings and understanding their needs and interests is much more important at the end of the day... and all through it, in fact!
If you ever feel like joining me on the new Jarrow Crusade...
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